THE PASTORS’ WIFE

(Taken from A handbook for the Preacher at Work- by Jeff D. Brown-Baker Books-1958. The author was Pastor of First Baptist Church-Mission, Texas, USA)

In considering the pastor’s wife, she must first of all be a consecrated Christian. She is to stand by her pastor husband, first in her prayers – not forgetting to pray at all times that he be used first as God’s mouth=piece, and then as a husband and father to his family.

A pastor knows when his wife is behind him. She keeps close beside him in all his church activities. She supports him by her prayers and faithfulness to services. She must not forget that she has duties at home bringing up her family, and that this is one of her Christian duties as a mother and helpmate to her husband.

She can be a standby to her husband without being the one to take on more in the church than is required of any one person. She should keep in mind that her husband is God’s man; his duty is first to his church and his people, then to his family. If he is a consecrated pastor, filling his responsibilities to the Master and church, he will be a good father and husband.

Another good point to remember in a pastor’s wife is that she is always to be a friendly and cheerful person to all in the church. Nothing hurts a pastor more than a snobbish wife who is always trampling on someone’s toes by her remarks.

We must keep in mind, too, that sometimes a man is called of God after he is married; and perhaps his wife is a Christian but an indifferent one. Then he must ell her of his call and help her to dedicate her life anew to her Master, or his efforts and preaching may be in vain. Sometimes he may make a good pastor under these circumstances but the instances are few. A good pastor’s wife is one who helps to make things as comfortable for her husband to meet his trials and burdens as best she knows how. She must keep in mind that at all times his first duty is to God and God’s people, then to her and his family. Nothing cripples a pastor’s ministry more than an unruly family.

A pastor can help his wife to be a good pastor’s wife by understanding her and her efforts. He can help her fill the places she has to fill by not forgetting he has a responsibility at home. Many a time a pastor’s wife forgets to be a good pastor’s wife because she gets lonely, for his work requires his being away so much of the time.

To be a good pastor’s wife does not require education, yet it helps. I think, in order for her to be the pastor’s wife she should be, she should study right along with her husband striving to learn more about his work and duties. A good pastor’s wife watches her conduct, keeping in mind that people watch her and her family and one error may be the one step toward putting roller skates under the husband’s pastorate in that particular place. She more or less sets the example in that particular place, for all the church. They watch her dress, speech, and she either sets an example for the best or she may lower the standards of both her and her husband.

The Bible gives references to the standards of the deacon’s wife in which I think, if it should apply to a deacon’s wife, it certainly should apply to any pastor’s wife. 1 Timothy 3:11 tells us, “Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things.” First the pastor’s wife should be satisfied with her pastor-husband’s calling. Under his calling comes the place or town in which they are to serve, then his salary. Certainly to be the wife she should be, she will be satisfied with these. Usually the first things a church wants to know is, “Does the preachers wife like it here?” She can make or break if she isn’t satisfied. In Ephesians 5:22-24, we have more Scripture which should be every pastor’s wife’s duty, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” “For the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church: and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Colossians 3:18 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” 1 Peter 3:1 says, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if they obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conservation of the wives.”

The pastor’s ministry will be one of success if his wife is one in whom he can confide, taking his burdens to her, knowing that her prayers are always for him and his work. Some churches expect more than do others that the wife shall have duties in the church. She should not be head of everything, or every committee that the church has. Neither should she be a run/about for the church. If she is to be the efficient pastor’s wife she should be, she cannot have too many duties and fill them well. If she does, she not only neglects her home, but her work will drag; also she must remember to stay always in the background, helping her husband to a more useful life in his church and community. Her life, as has been mentioned, should be one of examples. By these statements is not meant that she is not to do any church work; she should do church work as much as her time and physical health will allow – but only if asked to do so. She should not push herself i8nto positions of leadership.

Each church should keep in mind that the husband is called of God to the ministry. This call is not extended to his wife. Her place always is beside her husband, praying for and encouraging him. She should show him that she has faith in him and his work. She, by all mean s, should try to understand her husband’s calling, and by understanding, she may help him in his calling. She may either make or break.

We might add, too, that if she is a good pastor’s wife, she too needs encouragement. Her husband can help her by praising his wife – remembering that her life is long and lonely at times, due to the fact that his calling takes him away from her and family.

A good, loyal, prayerful, and consecrated wife and pastor will help keep their people on fire for the Lord and His Word.

-Jeff- D. Brown